I wonder why am I attracting all these negative energies from all over.
Its like I placed some sorta map that lead all negative routes to myself.
*siGh*
been accompanying mum these few days, so that I may offer some sorta support to her, and yet at the same time I feel affected by all those words like I mentioned in one of my previous post.
somehow I feel that if there are three career woman in our house, there will not be anyone left to take care of mum. And hence I'm being deemed as the failure, somehow I feel pressurized to give up my life just to take care of mum. I can feel mum and the rest expecting that of me, no matter how hard they try to deny it.
now I truly understand why my mum told me that the best thing is to not marry and to stay by her side forever, just like one of my relative did for her mum.
if you have a family, its really difficult to juggle between the two. one will definitely feel neglected.
sharon don't understand me, don't understand why I insist on heading back to tiong bahru to sleep, when I could have stayed at home and saved myself the trouble. She kept asking me why am I not staying at home.
reasons:
- not enuff clothes and undergarments
- i cant fit into her clothes
- thats the only chance to see logong.
Is it too much to want to see logong everyday? I just wanna see him, or I will miss him.
Call me weak or retarded. I still wanna see him everyday.
*gOsh*
feelings of dread and failure, and hopelessness overwhelm me.
when will i be freed from this emotion guilt trap?
am I really born for this, I wonder.
*siGh*
quoted from Sharon Au's bloggie:
"C’est fini.
Je vais être emprisonnée à nouveau dans les ténèbres de l’ombre."
(eng: "It's over. I'll be trapped again in the darkness of the shadow.")
if given another chance, maybe I should have jumped from that roof.
why didnt i?
*siGh*
